I think we are poor now

All americans know that the economy is bad.

getting no better and getting worse(for me if not you).Could this be the new(or start of)

"GREAT DEPRESSION"?

i'm scared and i can't tell my friends :that i think im poor now. i wish i had someone i could talk to >_>

my step dad quit his job b/c they always treated him badly,paying him less than he deserved ect.

I dont want to be looked down apon ..At school i have many friends.

my Best guy friend is Dalton & my Best Friend scince kindergarden is a girl named shardasia, But she moved to Korea.

:( i would talk to dalton but, i dont want pity & thats why i dont talk to anyone about it :[

so im falling apart. on the outside you cant tell that i dont have any money to spend b/c i have lots of things & friends & SEEM HAPPY ALL THE TIME . & i like to make people happy and laugh. even though i have alot of "friends"Im not very stuck up though and i talk to everyone.

But, they dont really cut it i need SHardasia shes the only one that would understand. shes like the other me. *sigh*i never wanted to start my freshman year @ high school by myself :'[

Now, school is almost over (in two months not including this month)spring break starts friday night (no school) & im only 15. i have so much to worry about & i hate it. maybe im just going crazy because my anxiety. >_>

My 16Th birthday (may 9Th) isn't going to me sweet at all. i wont have money for even a small party. i might not have any money for a candle. when i said i wanted my birthday to be spacial last year this was far from my mind.

My mom is also saying she will have to get rid of the Internet & cell phones soon.

My mom gets servery depressed & takes medication. right now we have no money for her medication. It hurts to hear her talk about how she needs a psychiatrist because shes starting to get "BAD" again. i don't want to loose my mom. i already lost my cousin to .suicide. i cant..no i just cant do that ill go crazy. I'm now the LAST "JORDAN"<-(last name) in my family.

i have to convince myself & my mom that every things fine and it wont be forever.

but, I'm still so scared & well...depressed.

today i found myself crying in the middle of class...not sobbing or anything just crying silently to myself & my friends thought i was sleeping. i think that this is why i was crying.

I'm in so much pain..more than i can take. the pride, the happiness, luxuries, fun of my life is dissolving. the pain of seeing my mom cry my stepdad angry and rash ...my friends...40% rich...50% richer than me....shoving the selfishness of what i want that they have rubbing in my face UN-purposely silently mocking me. causing jealousy sickening me.

I'm a sick person i know that i could survive even without food clothing & luxuries.

but, i don't want that. i want a normal HEALTHY life.

I'm selfish i know. i KNOW there is most definitely people out there having a harder time than me.But, i cant take pity on them because, id hate that myself. i don't like it i hate it i hate it!

Is the world going MAD?

I miss my best friend....

Why won't the government take action?

it hurts.Everything hearts. Something inside me begs & cries out to not be alone. i don't want to be alone. & the nothingness i now feel makes me numb.